2011 PBL Resolutions

With New Years Day coming tomorrow, I thought it fruitful to look ahead at 2011 with some humour and resolutions to set forth in the new annum. On this final day in 2010, let us celebrate, and poke fun at ourselves and enjoy a good cocktail. Remember, don’t drink and drive.

NOTE: This is just a funny entertaining glob of writing meant to make people laugh. Please do not take anything personal – I even took a shot at myself a couple times here – so sit back and remember there is a sarcastic tone to most of this.

PS: I generally do not let people trash on umpires, but this is in good fun and can be the exception…well, because I said so.

Every game will have 2 certified Alberta umpires.

Peter Rogers and Roy Mills will fight each other on the mound in one game this season.

All teams will pay their league fees no later than the first game of the season.

Ryley will pay double with half going directly to the slush fund (Web Guy salary).

All teams will submit their rosters without reminders by the deadlines.

Jason Buzzell of Armena will pitch a no hitter.

The Tofield Lakers will still have a team in the league.

The town of Tofield will take care of the diamond.

Playoffs will begin on schedule without any discussion or controversy.

But lack of umpires will push the games back a week.

Josh Banack (now of Camrose) will be on a playoff team for the first time ever.

Yeah right.

If they do, they will leave the league and miss the playoffs in the NCABL every year because only the top four teams out of 86 teams make the playoffs because it is, of course, a semi-professional league.

Sherwood Park/Ft Saskatchewan will be an expansion franchise.

They will win the league and pee in the trophy ala the Bruins in the 1970s.

Holden and Ryley will continue to represent the league well

Ryley will show up sober to games 90% of the time

The PBL will defeat the Battle River League in the annual all-star game

Larry Lewsaw will offer cans of Kokanee for returned baseballs during the all star game

Bardo will show up to a tournament with enough of their own players.

Mike LeClaire of Bardo and Brian Tavorolli of Ryley will not play a game together on the same team with different jerseys.

Ryan Walker of Leduc will not laugh at his brother if he gets hit in the face with a baseball.

Jason Buzzell of Armena will not swear at Ryan Walker in front of Bardo Mennonites.

Armena will make the playoffs.

Scott Peterson will come out of retirement and win one of those playoff games for Armena.

Holden, Bardo and Ryley will never wear Black vs. Black in a game this season.

Armena and Ryley will also not wear Blue vs. Blue.

Cory Epp of Ryley will pitch a complete game that does not last 4 hours.

Art Micklich of Holden will not say, “Who wants it out there?” less than 20 times per game in the 2011 season.

Jon Anstey of Leduc will not make an excuse if he strikes out at the plate.

Leduc will suit up 9 Pahls in one inning somehow, to claim a probable tie in the record books for a full lineup of relatives. Likely, in the 1940s, every team accomplished this feat multiple times.

Kyle Ellis of Armena will not lead the league in hit batsmen.

Kyle Reinholdt of Ryley will not lead the league in hit by pitches.

Ryan Stauffer of Bardo will not lose his lunch after legging out a grounder.

The league will find out where old PBL trophy is.

Peter Rogers will find out where the strike zone is.

Posted on December 31, 2010 by Jason Buzzell