A father at A Little League game runs onto the field, screams at the ump over a bad call and even chest-bumps the man in blue. During a Minor Hockey Game, a mom yells at the refs for whistling calls against her son’s team. When another parent tells her to relax, the mother taunts him too. A soccer dad enraged by the officiating confronts one of the refs after the game, then head-butts the official, knocking him cold. Stories like these have become so common, many sports parents don’t even raise an eyebrow. But they should. How can we parents and youth coaches talk to kids about being good sports—treating referees properly and accepting their decisions—when we’re the first ones to go bonkers over a close call? In our last installment we discussed ways to help your town find and train officials. But when parents act aggressively toward them, those new refs are less likely to come back. What’s worse, all the kids on the field absorb a mixed message about sportsmanship and respect for officials. You don’t have to be a child psychologist to figure out what kind of negative impact results from adults’ moaning and groaning. So what can you do to send the right message? Start by looking in the mirror. There’s simply no way you can expect youngsters to develop a healthy respect for the refs if you can’t keep yourself under control. Whether you’re a parent, a coach or youth league official, explain to the athletes in your program that, for better or worse, tough calls are simply part of every game. No, this isn’t an easy lesson for youngsters. Many throw tantrums when a call doesn’t go their way, making nasty comments toward refs that can lead to ejection from the game. A guiding principle in youth leagues should be to help kids refocus following setbacks, rather than challenging authority. All top athletes must learn to accept adversity and play on. Parents, you can’t assume a coach will teach good behavior to your kids. That’s your task. While your child’s still young, explain to him or her how to treat officials properly. Youth sports organizers can reinforce that message by instituting a zero tolerance policy. This would give referees the power to stop games and demand that offensive parents or coaches leave immediately, or risk forfeit. Yes, it sounds harsh, but officials need that authority if situations turn ugly. Of course, all adults on the sidelines can set a positive example instead. Be sure to thank the umps or officials for a job well done—especially after a tough loss, when the gesture means even more. And remember: The kids will be watching.