DBacks Dime Longhorns 11-1

After last year's bench-clearing brawl, this was bound to be an eventful twin-bill.  Tensions were higher than the Guntz at 4:20pm on a Friday.

Ryan "No-Nickname" Kennedy started Game 1 for the Dbacks, and proceeded to shut-down the heavily stacked left-handed Longhorns lineup.  Kennedy, who was suspended by the league last year for his now-legendary "Paper-route" ejection, received a message from Tony Wylie in France via carrier pidgeon to "Hit Craig with a 54mph change-up".  Despite his best efforts, the pitch was thrown behind the league President, who promptly flied out on the next pitch.  Upset that he was thrown at, The Prez had words with Kennedy, and both benches were promptly warned by the umpire to stop throwing offspeed pitches at batters.

The DBacks duck-farted Teddy to death, smashing looping liners over the infielders all day.  But when they weren't hitting Texas-leaguers, ground balls worked just as well, as the swiss-cheese infield of the Longhorns provided zero-help to the legendary homeless man on the mound.

The Longhorns' right fielder repeatedly took pour routes on fly balls until a sniper shut him down for the rest of the game.  However, he was able to rally nicely at Roadhouse on Sunday night.

Newly-acquired Cuban-defector Gonzo Villiaiiaiiandandnadnaueva shows promise at 2-bag.  This is fantastic news for Flow, as he can now focus on upping his dismal batting average, styling his hair, and catching the occasional fly ball in left.  Gonzo also educated AJ Fystro on what a full-stride looks like...by stealing everything in sight, including a bat from the Longhorns dugout. #finderskeepers

MVP - Foddy IMDB - Gerwing.  We can't remember why, but he probably deserves it.