DBacks faced the Cards for the first time this year, in the battle of heavyweight bush-leaguers. They did not disappoint. The bush was so thick in this game 70's porn stars would have hurled.

Veteran Tony Wylie took the ball for this game...let's flashback to two years ago against the very same Cards...

Would history repeat itself? Let's find out!

PREGAME BUSHNESS

Because, why wait for the game to start?

1. The visiting Cards take the home team dugout.
2. Dbacks take ground balls on the tarped infield.
3. Dbacks take jersey-less inny-outy.
4. Cards threaten to dot ex-Cardinal Justin Bryant (fine with us - at least he'd get on base).

Bush-League Score: 2-2 after pregame.

GAMETIME

Wylie goes 1-2-3 vs. the Cards in the first, baffling hitters with a dancing knuckler that would make Ren McCormack proud. This was a common theme throughout the game - the unofficial statistics show 80% of outs came on come-backers to the mound.

Galen Aker made his first start of the year, and had some difficulty receiving the knuckler. In the early innings, a tired Aker pulled a Gayef on a routine pop fly in front of the plate, making no effort to catch the ball. Wylie came down and made a Willy Mays basket-catch to end the inning.

The Cards scored a run in the 4th, and the DBacks couldn't seem to muster any offence against the Cards pitcher, who threw 99% of pitches to the right-side of the plate. This was very difficult for the pull-happy right-handed hitters in the Dbacks lineup.

Knowing this statistically scientific fact, left-handed swinger Justin Bryant came to the plate sitting inside-dick first pitch. JB crushed the ball, visibly flipping his bat, echoing a Rick Flair-like "WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" and flexing towards the Cards dugout. Unfortunately for JB, the ball hit halfway up the chainlink fence, and he was forced to tuck-tail and lumber into second base with a double. The leadoff double was wasted, as the Cards stranded him on 2nd.

Fortunately for the DBacks, they have Jaret Chatwood in their lineup. The slick-fielding SS had two FMBA firsts tonight, as he struck out and hit a single. Also, in the 6th, Chatty hit a triple to dead center. Upon his arrival at 3rd base, he promptly snapped a "Triple Selfie!" with 3B coach Tom Gayef, sealing the bush-league victory for the DBacks:

He would score on an RBI groundout by 3B Brendon Sutherland, tying the game 1-1.

Sudsy didn't make things easier for the "Wylie" vet, as he booted two short-hop ground balls to allow runners to reach. Or as they're known to Sudsy, "normal-hop ground balls". Compounding his rough day at the yard, Sudsy popped up a sacrifice bunt at a crucial point in extra innings.

The Dbacks gave up a run in the top of the 7th. Heading into the bottom half, veteran slugger Brent Cooper hit a leadoff single. He was promptly replaced by speedster Dan Moro, who stole 2nd on the first pitch of the at bat. Evan Gerwing put down his first bunt in 12 years, and Moro later scored on a sac fly to left.

With the game tied 2-2 heading into the top of 9, Wylie (still going strong!) strikes out the first batter of the inning. Unfortunately, newly-inserted catcher Pat Shippit forgot to apply A535 to his entire body prior to entering, and his muscles were too (c)old to reach the pitch, letting it go to the backstop. This runner eventually reached third base. With one out, Brendan Sutherland replaced Wylie on the mound, and promptly threw the first pitch to the backstop, allowing the run to score.

With the Cards up 3-2, Foddy lead off with a walk. Gayef, inserted for Aker, hit an ABSOLUTE LASER-BEAM LINE-PAINTED double down the right field line, setting up runners on 2nd and 3rd. With two out, Chatwood hit his first single of the year, a 2-RBI knock to win the game.

Other notes:
- Gayef's wife and Sutherland's flavor-of-the-week showed up to cheer the Cardinals. Thanks ladies.
- Cards 1B does his best Rick Tabaracci impression and makes a kick save to steal hit from Fodchuk early in the game.

MVP - Kenton Haugrud, who was working a night shift and took time to fill up the cooler with ice and beer and drop it off mid game before going back to work. Also, this was Kenton's first time at the ball park without striking out.
Jaret Chatwood for making Nelly retire again.

Vag badge - Trask for going 0 for 4, but mainly for picking himself as MVP for both games of the double-dip last weekend.
Gerwing for pulling a Foddy, watching a dick-high fastball for strike 3 with the winning run on 2nd in the 8th.
Cards pitcher for failing to dot JB after much anticipation and build-up. Such a tease.