Taking copious amounts of wiffle-ball batting practice over the weekend, the DBacks were geared up to take on the Longhorns Monday night. With the majority of the staff's arms hanging from throwing said wiffle-balls, the DBacks convince retired pitcher Joe Sergent to take the mound.

Sergent didn’t have his best stuff surrendering 2 hits, 1 walk, and 10k’s over 5 innings of sloppy ball - somehow the Longhorns failed to capitalize. Albo even tried to sneak a walk in on ball 3. Joe kindly called the man back to the plate to issue the walk the proper way.

The Longhorns were rolling a Dirty Nine on this day - the early innings look like it was going to be a bit of a pitching duel until the Longhorns decided to issue a “f*ck-ton” of errors – none surprisingly by the legendary Jade Alberts who was taking the lead at short stop for the first time in 8 years.

With the Longhorns' spirits broken, the Dbacks inserted Axel Christoffersen on the bump. But it had the opposite effect as they started scoring runs. Axel managed to close it out, but Gayef was pissed that he had to get loose in the 7th.

There's not too much else to talk about here because this game was pretty goddamn boring. The only highlight worth mentioning was in the 6th: score 6 - 1, Gerwing throws an absolute laser beam to the dish from CF. Patty “Cakes” Shippit did his best Gregg Zaun impression and supplemented the throw with an equally impressive catch/block/tag combo to stop the 'Horns from getting ANY ideas of a comeback.

Post-game, Sudsy is ordered out of Beckham's by the waitress to acquire some sleeves. He returned with his jersey. #CaseOfBeer

MVP: Sergent for making the Longhorns dip into their pensions for new bats.
Vag Badge: Sudsy for texting at the bar with the boys while wearing his jersey. Also for attempting to bunt up 6-0. Also for getting caught stealing for the 48th time this year.