| First Name | Last Name | Year Retired | Positions | Most Remembered For | |
| Steve | Robson | 2011 | 1B | Beating down randoms at the bar | |
| Aaron | Cowley | 2011 | SS/CF | Being friends with the most ripped chick of all time | |
| Felipe | Evans | 2009 | 3B/P | Never paying fees/Never driving to a game | |
| Jermaine | Ricketts | 2011 | 1B/DH | Biggest weight gain during dbacks career | |
| Gavin | Wolch | 2011 | C/1B | Never hitting a ball to the outfield...EVER | |
| Nolan | Hornett | 2010 | C/OF | ||
| Jay | McConnell | 2010 | P | Most unearned runs allowed in Dbacks history | |
| Darryl | Krystalovich | 2010 | P | Being Hurt.....Every year | |
| Shawn | Hubbard | 2011 | 3B | Showing up for 1 game in his career | |
| Damon | Marez | 2007 | IF | Being invited back just to get the jersey | |
| Darren | Boyd | 2007 | 3B/OF | ||
| Conner | Hodgins | 2011 | P | Buying the team uniforms then switching teams the same year | |
| Shawn | MacLachlan | 2010 | 3B | Failing to hold Steve back as he was beating down randoms at the bar | |
| Martin | Szomolanyi | OF | |||
| Ryan | Hodges | 2007 | UTL | Shortest player in team history | |
| Sergio | Juarez | 2011 | IF | Being confused with his brother | |
| Rodrigo | Juarez | 2011 | C/IF | Being Mexican | |
| Steve | Ulseth | 2011 | P | Hitting 7 guys in 1 game and being pulled before the end of the 2nd | |
| Clayton | Laughren | 2011 | P | 7 consecutive walks and a mean Bill Cosby | |
| Jorge | Tang | 2009 | 3B | Being the best player in FMBA history | |
| Brent | Wandler | 2010 | SS/C | Highest AVG in a season and quitting on the team | |
| Eric | Cepuran | 2009 | OF | Being a speedskater for the USA olympic team | |
| Alex | Wihak | 2008 | OF | Worst OF fielding % in team history | |
| Jason | Knox | UTL | Starting the Dbacks | ||
| Darren | Knox | UTL | Starting the Dbacks | ||
| Marc | Rapin | 2010 | OF | Mentioning his softball career highlights | |
| Keith | Bishop | 2009 | P/3B | Being a little bitch | |
| Kellen | Foreman | 2010 | 2B | Most injuries played through | |
| Galen | Aker | C | Largest ass to rest of body ratio in league history | ||
| Cam | Colquhoun | 2012 | P | Largest pitching glove of all time(some say it was 23 inches) | |
| Jesse | Osarchuk | 2012 | UTL | Career .000 Batting Avg | |
| Skrvet | Daramola | 2012 | OF | Fielding fly balls as if he were swatting flies. Worst player EVER!!!! | |
| Rhett | Larsen | 2012 | IF | Throwing drunken bullpens trying to impress the coaches and getting hurt. | |
| Lance | Allison | 2012 | OF | Creating LA disease. (Not technically a feat with the Dbacks) | |
| Kris | Gira | 2012 | OF | Giving up the largest home run since Mantle was in Briggs Stadium. | |
| Jason | Landon | 2012 | UTL | Wife sending emails to managment complaining about playing time. | |
| Kyle | Mcrae | 2012 | OF | Being brought in to throw one bean ball and throwing three. Just to spice it up. | |
| Mike | Warnick | 2012 | OF | Being scared to throw bean balls. | |
| Geoff | Freeborn | 2012 | DH | Batting after Lance. ALWAYS after Lance. Oh and being hurt 90% of the time. | |
| Alex | Viellenuve | 2012 | IF | Being thrown off the Mets for being a cop. | |
| Jeremy | Johnson | 2012 | UTL | Nicest guy in team history. | |
| Matt | Johnson | 2012 | P | Wife beaters and flat brims. | |
| Dustin | Phillips | 2012 | 3B | Trying to convince people he was drafted and played at WSU. | |
| Fabrico | Montoya | 2012 | SS | Confusing people with how he is not Mexican. | |