As many rookies do, Mike started out as an embarrassment to the team. He really couldn't catch, throw, or hit, but on an aging team, he showed his strength as a pinch runner. Unfortunately, the years have not been kind to Mike and, sadly, even that talent is fading. He is the team's only regular switch hitter, and has shown himself to be equally inept from both sides of the plate. His veteran status and lob-ball rule knowledge makes him a valuable umpire, but perhaps that only reminds us of his stubborn refusal to get glasses. In time, the team learned to accept Mike and found him a spot in the field where the opposition rarely can expose his inadequacies, though their patience is tested at times when he proudly recalls the time "about 5 years ago" when he knocked the cover off the ball and it rolled all the way to the warning track. Mike has also been known to bring less popular beers that taste like swill, but usually brings more 'cuz their cheaper, and for that we can only say cheers! Mmmmm ..... swill
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